Speak only if it improves upon the silence.

— Mahatma Gandhi

The Compliment Catastrophe

Reading the Gandhi quote at a younger age would have spared me a few million blunders.

A recent whopper happened at the opening of a group exhibition. A charming young woman approached me and shared kind words about my artwork. I thanked her, and then came another compliment. Then another.

And I began to squirm.

I didn't feel the work deserved the praise. So began the self-critical diatribe:

Oh, I should have done such-and-such differently... Oh, there are so many better artists in this show... This piece belongs in the trash bin...

Bla, bla.

The worst part? I knew better. I've known for years how tactless it is to reject a compliment.

Modesty vs Madness

Because a compliment is a gift. When you dismiss or debate it, you also dismiss the person giving it.

I see it as arrogance disguised as modesty. It's a way of saying, I'm better than the artwork you're looking at. Or, This would have been a masterpiece if not for this or that. It also translates to See how modest I am? — which is as immodest as it gets.

What crap.

Granted, feeling exposed at an exhibition is normal, especially if you haven't shown in a while. The art you made in private is now public, and the urge to highlight the flaws before anyone else does — beating them to the punch — is real. I get it; I really do.

But this is old stuff. The truism that we're our own worst critics may be valid, but it's played out. And feedback isn't just something to agree or disagree with — it's an opening, an invitation to conversation.

When you self-criticize, you either shut the conversation down, or you pressure the other person to reassure you again. Both are supremely annoying.

So, how do you avoid this in the future?

Two Words...

"Thank You"

Say the words Thank you, to yourself and a dozen times, preferably when you’re alone so no one thinks you’re nuts.

Seriously, try it.

Stand in front of a mirror and practice, like an actor rehearsing a line. Say it until the words leave your mouth without hesitation or resistance.

Then take it a step further.

Imagine the praise landing on you. Absorb the warm feeling  that comes with it. If you can’t do this in private, it'll be impossible to do it a crowded room.

Now, and this is Critical-
Shut Up

That may sound harsh so try hearing the words 'Be quiet' in your mind to make sure you actually do.

I prefer 'Shut up,' but that’s me. Either way, it's  the hardest part.

Ask any police officer what over-explaining means to them. It’s usually an attempt, by the bad guy, to deflect attention from the truth.

A pause, however, even a brief one, shows you’ve heard the words and you're taking them in.

Respond too quickly and it seems like you weren't listening.

Keep Them Talking

As mentioned in an earlier post, we learn more from our successes than our failures, so long as know what those successes are.

Asking, “What do you like about my work?” is lame. It puts the other person on the spot, forcing them to come up with an answer they may not have.

But asking, “What kind of art do you like?” or “Do you go to many exhibitions?” feels natural and open-ended.

And it gives insight—into their tastes, their experience, and possibly whether your work has resonated.

At the very least, you’ve shown interest in your newest fan.

Inform

OK, you’ve listened, thanked them, and started a conversation.

Now give them a little bonus.

What’s something unusual about your work—some behind-the-scenes detail only you know?

Maybe the piece underwent a radical transformation.

Maybe your cat clawed off a section of it, forcing you to repaint (yes, that happened to me).

Or maybe it fell off a gallery wall, shattering the glass frame into a thousand bits (that too).

These little stories do more than fill the air—they create a connection. They give the listener the privilege of being an insider.

Reverse Roles

Next chance you get, tell another artist how you love their work—provided you actually do.

Then watch for their reaction.

If they're gracious, you've got an example to follow. If they’re boorish, you’ll know what to avoid.

You'll' soon discover how appreciating the work of others doesn’t diminish, it elevates you.
Leave Selling to the Salespeople

It's flat-out painful hearing an artist hard-selling their own work at an exhibition.

Because it's inappropriate and—guess what—most artists are lousy salespeople.

Selling is an art in itself that takes years to master. Professionals have the experience and the distance from the work to talk about it confidently.

Your connection to your work is a little too personal. The emotional investment interferes and it can't be concealed.

When you try to hard-sell, you appear desperate or overbearing–uncomfortable for you and the person you’re speaking to.

Let others experience and connect with your work in their own way. Your job is to provide context, answer questions, and invite conversation—not close the deal.

Lastly, Give Yourself a Break

We’re visual artists, not stage performers.

We’re used to working alone, and tend to communicate through our art more than our words.

Non-artists understand this and will usually cut us some slack as we bumble through social interactions.

Even the embarrassing moments are opportunities and chances for growth.

It’s not what you say that matters. It's the energy you project, and your work, that speak loudest.